We just changed the clocks last week. Since then, we’ve had sleet, snow, wind, and temperatures dropping into the teens. I’m already feeling that vague pit in my belly and that cloud overhead. Unsettled and restless, yet unmotivated to move…then beating myself up for my lack of productivity. I wish I could curl up in a ball and just sleep the day away.
Bears are SO LUCKY…
I deal with depression and anxiety on a regular basis, either my own or that of those around me. Most people, including friends and family members, have no idea and would probably be surprised, maybe even skeptical, to learn that I’ve been dealing with this for most of my life. I am actually one of those annoying people who always seems to be positive and in a good mood. Sometimes I have to work really, really hard at that.
I am a big believer in “fake it til you feel it.” Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, but I’ve never lost anything by trying. It can be exhausting. Eventually, the day will end, and I’ll get to curl up in a ball under the blanket.
There are times however, when I just can’t. I can’t fake it, I can’t motivate myself to move…and I just don’t even care. And then I do…and then that makes it worse. Because I still can’t. It’s frustrating when you’re getting on your own nerves!
That’s when I don’t leave the house. It’s better that way. I’m not fun to be around, and that could lead to all sorts of issues that were avoidable. Obviously this is the part most people don’t know about. They just know I haven’t been around or answered any texts for a few days. I always seem to find my way back…
Yes, I’ve sought treatment in the past, but I’m not currently medicated or in therapy. Neither works for me. I have learned numerous cognitive and behavioral techniques, and I find them to be far more effective in managing both the depression and the anxiety.
I know myself well enough to know that every fall/early winter, I tend to be more prone to mood issues (LOL). I really would like to hibernate in my cave and sleep until spring. But then I’m going to lose half of my life! That’s not an acceptable solution.
This year, I’ve decided to be more proactive in trying to prevent these issues in the first place. Writing this post, right now, is therapy for me. This blog was started to keep me on track, and I forgot how much I enjoy writing. Plus, I feel better when I’m being productive. Writing a blog about wellness has to be a win-win situation. (If I just keep doing it lol).
I’m hoping to make friends with winter by finding a winter sport that I enjoy enough to do regularly. I’m thinking snowshoeing. I might like skiing, but that’s kind of an expensive hobby. I plan on going for walks regularly, even if they’re just short ones. If I can get some sunshine and fresh air, I might not be so miserable when it’s dark at 5 o’clock. (Did I mention that I hate the cold???)
I’m taking my vitamin D regularly. I have several natural and herbal remedies to work with. I’m trying to become more mindful and plan to spend more time exploring “mindfulness.” I feel like I am fully armed…but then days like today pop up out of nowhere. Without any rational explanation.
Sometimes the best intentions mean nothing, and all the planning in the world can easily go right out the window. What are these “depression naps” that I’ve been hearing about? What a GREAT idea!
But not today…
Today, I’m resisting…I wrote this post and I do actually feel a bit better. I accomplished something, so at least I can’t yell at myself anymore lol.
Yay me 🙂