Midlife Is No Joke (But I’m Going to Laugh Anyway)

Bette Davis is often credited with saying “getting old is not for sissies.” I think Bette was right…and I’d like to argue that “getting old” starts around 40.

Let’s be honest: everything is harder. Joints ache. Vision goes. Hormones! Family and friends get sick or need us in ways we never could have expected. We’re not sleeping, our moods are completely unpredictable, and we’re juggling careers and saving for a future that somehow feels both a million miles away and right around the corner.

OMFG.

It’s easy to be overwhelmed. It’s easy to lose sight of “you” in the middle of it all. And when someone casually suggests working on your “mindset,” it can feel like one more thing on a list that’s already too long.

It’s hard to understand your mindset, let alone change it, when you don’t have time to think.

We’re functioning in reaction mode. In a sense, we’re almost “out of control.”

And sometimes we’re so busy managing everything that’s happening around us that we forget to ask ourselves where we are…or where we’re actually going.

Why Mindset Matters

I’ve come to realize that mindset is probably one of the most important factors affecting how we experience life. It’s our approach to life, and it colors so much of how we see things: positive or negative, open-minded or closed, growth or stagnation.

Our mindset, and the accompanying self-talk, is literally what guides us through every day.

So here’s my question…Is your mindset working for you or against you?

I’m not judging. Some days my mindset is like a bubbly cheerleader, and some days it’s like a grumpy roommate who eats my snacks and criticizes my choices.

Just noticing which one shows up is an important first step, because our mindset is something we can change.

And I think it’s especially important in midlife, when so much seems to be changing whether we’re ready for it or not.

Endings, Beginnings, and the Stuff We Can’t Control

Midlife is a season of endings and beginnings. Kids grow up, parents age, careers shift, and our bodies start changing the rules without giving us a heads up. There’s the stress of so many responsibilities, plus life events we simply can’t control.

And then there’s aging itself, which doesn’t ask permission and doesn’t take a day off.

We don’t get to choose everything that happens to us, and we certainly can’t control every feeling that comes along with it.

But we do have some say in what happens next.

And those decisions are influenced by our mindset.

That doesn’t mean we have to respond to every difficult experience by “rising above” or immediately figuring out what to do and how to move forward. That’s not really a realistic approach.

I’m going to say this next part out loud, because I think we need to hear it loudly: it’s okay to self-soothe.

When I’m working through something sad or difficult, I tend to hide away (okay, disappear). Blankets, solitude, maybe a snack, probably a good cry. There’s nothing wrong with that. We all have our coping strategies.

Sometimes you have to feel the sad thing. Sometimes you have to sit with it for a while. And sometimes you have to learn how to carry it while you get on with living.

There isn’t always a neat little ending to the difficult stuff. Some things change us permanently.

But eventually, we have to start asking ourselves what comes next.
Even if we don’t have any answers yet.

I’m Not Finished Yet

It’s easy to decide that everything we’re experiencing is just a result of getting older, to convince ourselves that nothing we do can make a difference, or that it’s all just “too hard.”

And every new ache, sleepless night, or out-of-left-field stressor confirms that mindset.

And the more we tell ourselves these things, the more we start to believe them. Eventually, “I’m too old for that” or “What’s the point?” stops being a passing thought and becomes the reason we don’t even try.

What I’ve noticed is that sometimes we don’t even realize how much we’ve given up. We let go of one thing we enjoy, and then another, until all the things we once loved, the things that made us feel alive, become memories we talk about at family meals.

Sometimes life requires us to put things aside. The trouble starts when we forget we can pick them back up.

I don’t want that to be me. And I’d really like it not to be you, either.

I don’t know what opportunities and experiences are waiting for me, but I want to stay curious enough to find out.

And I want to be clear: this isn’t a “fighting aging” thing. It’s a “what’s next” thing…what else is out there for me?

I am not trying to reclaim my youth. I am claiming my right now and planning for a future I want, where I can thrive.

At this stage of life, I’m aware that no matter how much I pretend, there are limitations. (My knees have opinions. They are not shy about expressing them.)

But for the most part, they are not roadblocks. They’re more like detours. And every once in a while a detour leads somewhere surprisingly good.

Proof That the Story Isn’t Over

If you need proof that midlife is not the end of the story, let me tell you about my great-great-aunt.

At 75, she met the love of the second part of her life. He was 75, too.

At an age when plenty of people decide the big chapters are behind them, these two decided to start a brand new one.

They married and spent the next 20 years traveling and living life to the fullest, the way many of us never get to earlier in life.

They’ve only recently started to slow down, and they’re approaching their 101st birthdays.

I don’t share this to say we should all be hopping on planes at 85 (although, honestly, goals).

I share it because it reminds me that “what’s next” can show up at any age, and that it’s rarely too late to find something wonderful.

Imagine if they’d decided at 75 that they were too old to take a chance and start something new.

Think of everything they would have missed.

So, What’s Next?

Despite so much being out of our control, there is a lot that we can shape, every single day. Everything doesn’t have to be a big effort. Sometimes, the hardest part might be reminding yourself that it’s worth the effort–that YOU are worth the effort.

I think developing a forward-looking mindset begins with getting curious about our own lives again.

Asking ourselves what we want, what we’re missing, and what we might still become.

It means questioning some of the assumptions we’ve made about aging, about what’s possible, and even about who we’re supposed to be at this stage of life.

And then being willing to do something with those answers.

Small choices add up. Our self-talk and those little decisions we make every day are creating the foundations of our future.

We can give things up little by little, and we can build things back little by little, too.

That’s what a forward-looking mindset means to me. Staying curious about what’s possible, and making choices that move me toward the life I want.

And that next goal doesn’t have to be a grand one. (Although why not? Why not dream big??)

It just has to be ours.

So what do you want? What is your next goal? What about ten years from now?

Are you living in a way that’s going to help you get there?

Or have you been so busy getting through each day that you’ve stopped thinking about what you want those days to add up to?

I don’t know exactly what the next ten years will look like. There will be challenges, disappointments, and probably a few more surprises from my knees.

But I still have things I want to do. Places I want to go. A life I want to keep building.

And I intend to have some fun along the way.

Midlife is no joke…but I’m going to laugh anyway.